ARCHIEVE 7

Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Decisions, Decisions


Well the past certaily has creeped up on my in the past couple of weeks. From blogs, to music, to pictures...I am finding that I am constantly being reminded that I have a history. My struggles are becoming more and more evident as I pull through the latest. As I begin to strive, I wonder if strives constantly spark the remains of the emotions that were never felt. The memories that were never desired to be remembered. All of which, make you appreciate your gains because of your losses.

Everytime I am approaching a seemingly good point in my life, I remenisce into where I have come from. Is it that I have to remember the pain to appreciate the pleasure?

Going away, I am afraid...I will feel nostalgic. I know in my heart and in my being..that London is what I have always wanted. I feel like the opportunities that I seek are waiting there. However, the events that have chronicled the past few months..have made me feel otherwise. It's a game of pick and choose, where I can pick opportunities there v. what I could have here. It all comes to the question I always thought was a no brainer in my life. But now my answer is becoming more drenched in "if's and maybe's". I know I should go with my impulse (which is to leave)...but what will happen to all the the remains I will leave behind?

It's a game of sacrifice. Some things I will give up, in hopes for gaining the loss in other places. Can I ever really fill the void in my life, that could be a result of my triumph (or mistake)? Should I give up a passion for a passion? If I give up one passion and don't gain the other...where would I be without an passion in my life? Nothing to spark my day and make the sun shine a little brighter.

Despite all my conflicting thoughts. I am actually in a happy place right now. Coming from a low, I can appreciate the little things a lot more..all over again. Even though I honestly don't get to worked up over too many things (because emotionally I don't seem to).

I honestly never thought I would be seeing someone. I swore myself that I would not get into another relationship. Especially with the lack of success of all it's successors. However, when you feel as strongly as I do..its ridiculous to say no. Although we haven't known eachother for a while, it's one of those "where have you been all my life" things. I feel relationships are private, so I won't really go further...but I am really happy with everything. I smile a bit more, if that gives any clues =D

(Plus I want to avoid the annoying little girl/boy who is already hopelessly in love...when it has been less than 3 minutes, ha)

With more news. I am trying to pull together songs in my mass collection of lyrics. I am kind of ADD with my writing. I kind of go all over the place and never really finish composing a single song..rather ideas for... fifty. Haha. I am getting better though, even though there is a lack of evidence there.
Graduation is still creeping around the corner. Now more than ever....

I want the get the hell out of this school.
=D
I feel like I am through with high school and anything it could have offered me. It was a great time with many memories, but I am ready to move onto my dreams...and what I have always wanted in life.

With that, I have a nice little weekend ahead of me. Boston on Friday..then Portland on Saturday and Sunday. I am smiling right now incase you were wondering