ARCHIEVE 12

Sunday, November 02, 2008

The trash still has it’s glamour
Current mood: accomplished
I always find myself unaware of elements in my life. I feel like I am emotionally immune to a lot of things. Disappointment, sorrow, anger. Just a few emotions I feel like I am incapable of feeling to the greatest extent.

I always seem to forget where I am. For example: The first hour waiting for Madonna, I forgot that I was about to see someone I have the greatest respect for as an artist. I just kind of sat there like I would in my living room. I don't know if that makes me grounded or if it makes me seem like I have an ego. All I could find myself concentrating on, was what I find myself always concentrating on: The Stage.

Maybe I am programmed this way. I know the feeling of being in front of thousands of people. It's the most familiar and exhilarating feeling to me. It's one feeling I will never be immune to. It's one of the best feelings in the world. I can't wait to get there. However I will get there, will be a story. I feel at home in front of people, primarily large crowds. I don't know what it seems to be. I don't get nervous, I just get anxious.

Although I seemingly have nothing to show for these couple of months that I have been doing "nothing" in the eyes of society-I have all the treasure I feel I could have. I have written quite a handful of songs. I have finally been able to write dance tracks, which have not been my forte. I am genuinely really proud of my work. I am not saying it's excellent, but I am proud of my progress.

Like I said, I know where I want to be. It's just getting there that is the problem. In the meantime I need to do what I can to work for it. Because nothing worth having, is never acquired without working for it.