ARCHIEVE 14

Thursday, November 06, 2008

Weather Girl, Where did you go?
I always thought to myself: Where does confidence come from? How did/do we get it? I remember the night before Halloween, Niomi, Chris and I were at Wal*Mart and there were a few heavier set girls, and they were wearing extremely raunchy clothing. At one point I could actually see their underwear. The point is: Where did they get that confidence? Not saying it's wrong to have it. But so many of us are constantly trying to chisel away the perfect human being, and then there are people who are just fine: with who they are. How does that happen?

Like, is it from constant appraisal that we get our first boost of confidence? Or is it from ourselves. Our own personal observations? Confidence usually has some kind of foundation, but who/what builds that, for us to either tear down or build up upon....

Also with confidence, comes the line. Where exactly is the line between confidence and being egotistical? And how to we become too confident? Better yet, how do some people have no confidence at all? I mean, you have to believe in yourself somewhat, right?

I don't know where my confidence comes from. Probably from the fact that I have overcome so many things in my life. The fact that when people doubted, I was vindicated in the end. Vindication. Is that the key to confidence? It sure does give you a sense of empowerment.

I was having a discussion last night, about just how funny it is, that I forget so much about my life. I forget who I have been, what I have done, what I have seen, what I have heard. I feel like I am twenty five. I even shock myself when I am reminded by what my age really is. I just sit there and am all "Really, only eighteen, I mean there must be a mistake...". Maybe I am an old soul.

But it scares the shit out of me, knowing that in the eighteen amassed years of my life-I can only recollect so much. There are hundreds and hundreds of days where I don't remember a single thing. I don't want to, not remember a day of my life. I could have a good 60+ years ahead of me-so how many time in total am I going to remember how I felt then, what I was wearing, what the weather was like. Like, how come we just don't remember things like that? How come sometimes when days go by you never hear from them again? Like they never happened or something.

Some day I should make a list of things that I remember. Maybe in the next blog.