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Monday, June 25, 2007

Storms
This blog was written a while ago, and I found it in a document on my computer and I liked the metaphors and such in it, so i thought I would share it.

Blue toned and rainy was the mood of today. It started out sunny and warm, and collected. Then what seemed to slowly venture into a disaster. Metaphorically I guess you can call this my current relationship. What started off so exciting, sunny and bright, became once again just another storm.

I am sitting here pondering what exactly this recent storm may actually mean. Will this be like most little storms, and after the quick bitterness is gone, it will leave room for many bright and sunny days to follow? Or is this like a natural disaster where it leaves no mercy and the remains are scattered all over the place, leaving very little hope things will return to what they once were? I am like someone going through the storm, both metaphorically and realistically, waiting and wondering what the outcome will be.

I am not sure why this storm has happened when I thought things were kind of going pretty good. But when you are neglected from someone that you are in a relationship with, I find it difficult to move anywhere but backwards. What even hurts more than that is when you feel like you are the only person who is trying to move the relationship anywhere. I mean, relationships are a two party thing right? What one does, must be met by the other, am I not correct?

Despite a fued and still recent bitterness, nothing can help how I feel, and no matter what I cannot deny that I miss him. I don't know why thought, I can go periods of time and not care, and then there are times like these when all you want really is just someone to be there with you. I can't help that right now I feel really hurt and almost degraded. But then again I can't help with feeling hurt by someone to desire a change. I don't know if this is a change of things completely, and ending this before it does have the potential of becoming not a storm but a natural disaster, or sticking through and realizing that storms come and go, like everything does in a relationship.

If anyone knows relationships, it is me. I am quickly able to recognize the fact that yes, indeed we do have ups and downs in everything. But is there a correct balance before a relationship becomes too much work? What if you seem to have more downs than ups? And are those ups really worth it to put up with all those downs? Is there a pleasure or a guilty pleasure in the relationship, should I relocate my desires of why I am in this in the first place? All of these questions continue to baffle me because I really don't know what to do right now other than just wait. Wait for the storm to get worse or for the storm to end.