Friday, November 14, 2008
What is left of us.
Current mood: thoughtful
First loves. First loves. First, goddam loves.
It's like eating a box of Krispy Kreme's, It's delicious until time settles in and you see that what seemed so innocent. Wasn't innocent after all.
I always wondered why first loves always seemed so fatal. Why it's inevitable that they lift you so high, and drop you to the ground. Why do our first experiences with love, seem to be so painful.
Is it the title itself? "First love", implying that there will be loves to follow.
My first love was a painful and rewarding experience, as I imagine most of ours are. It's not often that I speak about him, or even remember that he exists. But he does, somewhere in the world, and somewhere in my memory.
I feel like I would be more bitter. Considering what he did, to me physically and emotionally. It's true that some scars never heal. The ones on my back, stomach and shoulder still haven't gone away. They probably never will.
In all honesty, I have never wish for anything but good things for him. Call me sick and twisted. I don't know how it happened like this in my heart, or my head. I feel like I have every right to be bitter and angry. But I'm not.
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