ARCHIEVE 22

Thursday, May 14, 2009

End.
Current mood:Empty.

It really is officially the end of an era. I've said it a few times here and there, but nothing is more concrete than this. Pretty soon I will forever be closing this chapter in my life and staring a new one. An exciting, scary and unpredictable chapter. One that inevitably has to be written.


I don't think I have ever felt more out of place than I do now. I look at the walls that surround me, walls that used to make up such a loving atmosphere...and I feel nothing but emptiness. It doesn't exactly help that I am constantly in this big house, alone, more than often. It's just a weird feeling that a place that was such a sanctuary, has become dark and stale. I've spent seven years of my life here. Seven years of memories, seven years of comfort and seven years of love.


It seems appropriate that I should leave now. Whenever I walk the halls, I feel haunted. Haunted by the memories of what was and what could have been. I'm not a dweller, but somehow all these feelings trap me to a point where I have to feel them. It's as if this house has died. And the life it had, is trying to get me to remember it. Whenever I sit down on the couch, I just get lost in the silence. Knowing that there isn't anything left here but me. I'm the only thing keeping this life going.


It's always sad to say goodbye to a part of your life. Especially one that you hold so close. Everything about this house, was my life. My father, my sister, my dog, my room, my shelter. But some of those elements don't exist anymore, thus making this part of my life drawing to an end. I'll always have the warmest memories when I look back on Orange Street. So much of my life was lived here. But it's time to move forward. To a different future.


I don't know what's going to happen to me. I don't exactly where I am heading in life. Now that this life is over, it's time to make a new one. And I don't know what it will consist of. But I know where I want to be. That my friends, is enough to push through walls and climb fences. It's not a question of if I can do it, it's how I'm going to do it.


So we'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I need to say leave this empty house. I'm just torturing myself by being here alone all the time. I need to make peace with the memories and I can only do that by leaving. Like I said, it's the end of an era.