Dreams

Sometimes I forgot why it is that I wake up in the morning. Sometimes I forget why I have considered all my struggles worth it. I can't keep forgetting. The more I allow myself to forget, the more I lose touch with the hunger I have for my life.

I keep saying I need to change. Saying isn't doing, so I need to do something about it. The eternal struggle with me when I have a goal, is taking the first step. I over-think it and I don't just do something and I become paralyzed by the possibilities and outcomes my mind creates. I need to change that, so I need to constantly dive it, even though I want to dip my toes in the water. Cold or not, at least I did something.

A lot of what I want for myself involves a great deal of sacrifice. I always seem to tell myself that I would be willing to sacrifice what it takes, but I chicken out when the time comes. It's easy to forget what sacrifice really means, giving up something you want in your life, for something you believe will better suit you. Of course I would love the best of both worlds, who doesn't? But this is reality and you can't live in a land where nothing comes without a cost. Everything has a cost, whether it's material, emotional, mental, or physical. We all pay a due for something we get in return. I need to pay those dues.

Right now I'm kind of stuck in a rut, I don't know how I got myself here, but I need to slowly climb out of it and stop manifesting in all the remains of this last year. I feel my best when I am working towards something, and I need to work towards a goal again. Life just seems to be kind of empty unless I have something I am reaching for.

I should compile my inspirations in one spot, so I don't have to keep searching for them over and over again.

I do wake up every morning and feel kind of lost and unaware of who I am and unaware of my life. I need some powerful reminder that will allow me to feel hungry for the day. I love that Lady GaGa quote. When I wake up in the morning, I feel the same insecurities as any 24 year old would, but then I say 'Bitch you're Lady GaGa, get up and walk the walk'. I need a constant reminder of who I am, because I seem to lose my identity at times.

I also, if I am going to be with someone, I need to be with someone who makes me feel special. Not for egotistical reasons, but for sanity reasons. I belittle myself too often to also not feel appreciated or loved by my significant other. I currently don't feel that. I did at one point, but somehow it got lost. I am not surrounded by people who remind me of who I am or where I came from all the time, so it's hard to feel like I am worth something at times, as emo as that sounds. I like to feel like I have a place for myself in people's lives. And the majority of people I do feel like that is the case, are miles and miles away from me. Maybe it's life telling me to get a grip and have some sense of self worth.



"some women choose to follow men, others choose to follow their dreams"