WARNING.

(THIS BLOG MAY CONTAIN PAINFULLY CLICHE AND CORNY WRITING)

Walking back from Target tonight as I slipped in my heartbeats and went to listen to a classical (for me) single in NYC song...I happened to choose "Floaters" by Rob Mounsey Project. I think it really captured the mood of how I have been feeling lately...

It must be November air, but I have been feeling really thankful lately. Like. Really thankful. I sometimes get afraid when I feel such a powerful feeling like this, because I feel like it's my emotions prepping for disaster to come. Anways...

I have lived far from a charmed life from the looks of others. But...I can't stop myself from saying to myself, that I have lived such a privileged life. I have had many of struggles and pitfalls, but I thank whatever higher being every morning, that I am the person I am today.

I have never really been someone to really complain much, because in all honestly, although I don't have a lot to my name, or lots of money in the bank, sure I stress about how I'll be able to survive in NYC at times...but where the core of my being is, is not only priceless, but it's worth all the mellow drama of life. I couldn't have it luckier than I do. Most people go home at the end of the day and still feel like shit with all the stress of life. Most nights I go to bed thankful for every breathe I've taken and ever image I've ever seen.

I'm 19 years old, but I'm wise beyond my years. I've been told this since I was 10 years old. I have trouble matching up my numerical age to my spiritual age because they seem like they have such a gap in what people would perceive my behaviors to be. I'm thankful to have gone through hell many times and to probably be going back a few more times to have visits, it's made me such a strong and internally content/happy person.

I've been thinking a lot about the books "A Series of Unfortunate Events", ever since I saw Liam Aiken around NYU. I remembered how when I was 14 I was obsessed with this classical piece that Thomas Newton wrote for the song. The score is called "The Letter That Never Came". I've identified with this song for years, for many different reasons. I remembered in the movie when they got...the letter that never came, and inside Violet read this quote, which I newly discovered today:

"At times the world can seem an unfriendly and sinister place. But believe us when we say there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough. And what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events, may in fact, be the first steps of a journey."

I'm lucky every day to be alive. And I feel even more like a million bucks lately. This feeling doesn't ever really go away, it just intensifies from time to time. As awful as the world seemingly has been to me. I'm so happy to have went through it all.


I'm a lucky little shit.