IPROMISEYOUIWILLEARNFROMMYMISTAKES.

's true. The only thing that stays the same, is change.

I sometimes can hardly recognize myself.

Or can I recognize my life.

Everything that my life was, does not exist. And as much as elements still "linger", they don't mirror any aspect of what things used to be. Nothing is the same.

Time has become so blurry to me. April still seems like yesterday, but how could it feel like that. It was 4 months ago. What do I have to show for the time in between?

I look back on simple things, like "yesterday". I get confused at when exactly it ended, and when exactly it started. Everything just seems to make up this big mess of a "time period". As confusing as that sounds. Days feel like minutes and minutes feel like seconds. Sure, it's good time is "flying by". But is it really?

I catch myself. When I lose touch of everything I am, or was, or is still fighting to be. Every moment I go on with my life, I sometimes feel guilty, that someone isn't here moving along these moments with me. Because he should be.

I watch everything go by, sunsets, leaves falling, people coming and people going. And I can't believe at times, that life really does just move on like that. That people and things just accept the fact that people are gone. That life, just goes on.

I have found it so hard to grasp reality. My life always seems to be this big circus and so hectic. Very rarely do I actually stop and think about what is going on. I'm just so used to going on with it. Accepting situations and finding a way to sort through it. I wish I had my feet on the ground, but the majority of the time, I don't think they are. I have no sense of gravity in the situation, because I feel like I am not inline with gravity itself.

I wake up every morning and can't believe my life. I am proud that I have made it this far, but I am so shocked at what has happened to me. It makes me stop and think before I go out the door- What am I doing? Where am I going? Who am I? What has happened to me? Where do I fit in? Where do I stand out? Where am I succeeding? Where am I failing? And the questions never halt.

My analytical mind really does me more harm than good at times. I over-asses so many things in my life. Why? Because I've learned to be careful. But when is being careful crossing the line of not allowing opportunity/spontinutiy to happen?

I've made it this far. That I can nail on my list of things I've done. I've made it this far. 18 years of chaos and emotional cannonballs. But it's been 18 years, so when is it my time to just feel like I am doing something right, and that things are remotely going "smooth".


I don't even know where this is going.



Maybe some day. things will make sense. That's one big word though: Maybe.